Updated: Apr 5, 2019
Comparing ourselves to others is a slippery slope that only gets us feeling like we are not good enough and that there most be something wrong with us because “such and such” is already living OUR big dream.
Listen to the Episode Here:
(Confession: Sometimes I compare myself to other artists.)
Has this happened to you?: You are feeling great about yourself. Maybe You are researching about how to start your own business or how to write a book and then you go on Social Media and see a post of someone you’ve been following, maybe a friend or a relative, and in that post they are announcing that their book has been picked up by a publisher and now they are an official author.
Then the inevitable happens: you start to compare yourself to them and kick yourself for not having written your book already because maybe by now you would have been a published author too.
Suddenly all that enthusiasm and motivation that you had before going on Social Media goes down the drain.
Now you are feeling bad about yourself and your capabilities of becoming a published author.
“You probably think that you are the only one who compares yourself to others and then feel bad. Well, I’m here to tell you that we all do."
This just happened to me the other day and it is the reason I decided to write about it and tape this episode.
I was scrolling down Instagram like we all do and suddenly saw a post of an artist. We have never met in person but when I saw how many people were interacting with her in her posts I started to think about my own Instagram feed and how the interaction could be better and the feeling snowballed and I ended feeling really down.
You probably think that you are the only one who compares yourself to others and then feel bad. Well, I’m here to tell you that we all do.
Comparing ourselves to others muddles our own water. It creates all sorts of negative feelings in ourselves: envy, jealousy, doubt. Doubts about yourself, your abilities and even your whole existence.
But I am here to tell you that YOU are enough. I am here to tell you that comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Yeah, they are both a fruit and yeah, the are both round (more or less) but so what? Even two apples are not exactly alike.
Each and everyone of us is living a unique path with unique circumstances and each and everyone of us is exactly where we should be according to what we are here to learn.
There will always be others that are seemingly way ahead of us and others that are seemingly behind us. But all that is misleading because we do not know what lessons they are learning in the process that applies specifically to them and their own circumstances.
We have to learn to focus on our on path and not look back to see where others are because we waste precious energy. We lose momentum and feel bad because we think we should be where they are.
The only comparison worthwhile is comparing ourselves to ourselves. That is where true growth happens. Ask yourself: How far have I’ve come? How much have I learned? Where were you a day ago? A week ago? A year ago?
Where someone is on their own path has nothing to do with us. It has to do with their own growth. If we focus on ourselves and where we want to go and then look back and see that we are a step closer to living our dream, then you will begin to feel excited and proud of yourself. Even if it is just a small step, but a step in the right direction.
Try to avoid circumstances that expose you to compare yourself to others, eradicate them.
But if you do fall into that trap these are 4 easy steps you can follow to get out and begin feeling good about yourself and your own progress:
Ask yourself what about that situation or that person triggered you? That is something you need to work on yourself. It is what is called the internal work. Explore why it bothered you and how can you overcome it.
This one is a game changer, it is not easy but so very powerful. Try to find something that you could SINCERELY ("sincerely" being the key word) appreciate about that person or their journey and wish them well and thank them (in your mind ) for helping you see that you got distracted from focusing on your own path. Also see them as an example of what is possible for you and thank them for that too.
Re-direct your attention to your own path and what you have accomplished so far and tell yourself "My path is as unique as I am. I am exactly where I’m supposed to be." If we focus on where we are now compared to where we were a day ago, a week ago, a year ago, we will feel so proud of ourselves and how far we've come, even if it is that we have finally decided to take the plunge and follow our dream. Making that decision is huge!
Remember your "Why". Why did you want to pursue your big dream in the first place? Our "Why" is what drives us. It is the fuel that gets us and keeps us going. Also, think about what you appreciate about yourself and what are you most grateful for in your life? Appreciation and gratitude are great uplifters and reminders of how good our life really is.
The best person to compare yourself with is with yourself. If you see yourself moving forward even if tiny steps by tiny steps, you can’t help but to feel good about yourself. Your self worth increases and you feel inspired.
This is all about personal growth, that’s why we are here. We can not grow by trying to imitate others, we can only grow from where we truly are.
Follow your own guidance, your heart will never lead you astray.
Don’t try to compete with others for the sake of not wanting to be left behind, If you are going to pursue your big dream do it for the right reasons. Do it because it makes you feel alive, happy and fulfilled.
Remember, always focus on you and your own path. If not you will be constantly comparing and competing with others. And let me tell you, there is no real growth and success in that.
Are you ready to follow your heart and blossom?
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